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Back to School Blues

Back to school blues….

My youngest is about to start reception at mainstream school tomorrow and I’m fucking terrified.

He is Autistic and demand avoidant with what they call “global developmental delay”.

He is such a character… So funny, so full of empathy, so loving……

He has no idea what’s awaiting him. Sure he’s done a couple of outside, forest school transition sessions ….He’s so excited to go to “big boy school” with his friends from his small nursery who have expertly nurtured, supported and educated themselves about his needs. He has no understanding that it isn’t going to be like that anymore. To him, he’s just going to play outside with his favourite nursery key worker and his very small group of buddies from the nursery.

What's going to happen is that he will be thrown into a combined class of 52 children to three staff, he won't have a 121 ( not initially at least), He won’t know his way around, he won’t trust the staff because building trust takes time and “we don’t have the budget for that” or “there’s no evidence for that level of support being necessary because he didn’t need that in the nursery”…..

He will be in sensory overwhelm continuously, he masks fiercely because he is terrified of standing out, he will go mute because he is scared, he will likely not be able to sense when he needs the toilet or dares to ask to be shown, he will have demands and routine he’s not familiar with thrust on him, we won’t know where or how to escape, he probably won’t be able to eat or drink, he will not understand what is being asked of him because he doesn’t have the understanding or the communication skills to advocate…. He will be lost.


He wants to follow the same path as his friends, he tried his uniform on and stood there so proud of himself… keeps asking every morning if it was time to go to big school yet….

I’m trying to smile through it but really my heart is breaking…. This might break my child….

I will try and hide my tears and keep positive for him…


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